Earlier this week I discovered one of the saddest perils of this digital age. I watch a certain guy on YouTube a lot. He’s clever and funny and his videos get a fair amount of watchage. By an odd coincidence I realized that he is the same religion as I am and he appears to be single. So I started teasing my sister, who is also single, that she ought to call him up. I said, “Look at him, he’s single, the right religion, he’s successful…” And that’s where I stopped and thought, “What on earth?” I realized a hard truth. A peril of a trap, into which we could fall.
Being popular on Youtube does not make you successful.
I know. It’s hard. Ten years ago we never would have fallen down that slippery slope to accidentally viewing popularity on the world’s most bizarre cable channel as success.
But there are other perils of this digital age in which we live. There are many useful things on the internet and they could help us and inform us and enlighten us. Apparently they can also warn us of impending danger. Like this guy, selling a genie pendant on ebay.
“Warning: Telekinesis, pyrokinesis, and teleportation have not been proven to exist by science. If you develop these, it is best not to let anyone know. If people find out you may get the media following you around constantly, your government after you (if you live in the USA, your government will take to you the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base’s detention camp and then deny you access to a lawyer), and worst of all you may get a Wikipedia biography that you will have to watch all the time to make sure no libel gets posted there.”
This is indeed tragic. If you develop psychic powers you have to watch another peril of these times, Wikipedia, to be sure they aren’t posting any libel about you. But at least we now know that, on a lesser level of importance, you’ll be taken to Guantanamo Bay to be denied a lawyer. How did I find this out? Well, it was here, posted for all concerned citizens to see. And you can get this fashionable genie necklace slash vaporizer (In case you have a cold caused by your solitary psychic confinement at the bay) at this site too.
So the internet can be helpful too. With articles like “Is Smegma useful?” Indeed it is my friends. Indeed it is. And I never would have known.
But you have to be ever watchful that you don’t fall prey to something like a paranormal, and very ugly, ring. But again it comes with this important warning.
This is a paranormal item that has been tested as active and we cannot be held accountable or responsible for its behavior.
They won’t be held responsible. And you’d do best to remember it. So be ever watchful my friends. Or you could find yourself falling prey to a vengeful government attracting genie or a witch with bad fashion sense. Or worse still you may find yourself succumbing to this. Or this. God be with you should that happen. You never would have seen it without the internet. These are dangerous times we live in. Dangerous.