GRAMMAR NAZI TO THE RESCUE

Hello, My name is Inez and I am a grammar idiot.

Seriously, how can a woman who is 6 credits shy of a triple bachelor’s degree be so freaking STUPID when it comes to grammar?  I dunno but I am. English Literature, Communications and Advertising and I STILL AM A GRAMMAR IDIOT.

Case in point. I am thisclose to sending out queries for MONSTERLOVE. I posted my query for a friend to read and she found an error.

HER~~Should be ARE not IS.

ME~~Uhm, when I do that, MS Word gives me that green squiggle that is the bane of my existence.

So being the good friend she is, she hops to her trust red cellphone. and dials GRAMMAR NAZI!! *Super hero, big red cape, little bitty spandex shorts, Swasti-commas on his chest. Very cute, I hear*

Here is how it went down:

FRIEND on the GRAMMARLINE:
Help me Grammar Nazi!!  My friend is in peril of screwing her chances! Listen to my retold tale of woe!!
As love fills her heart, she realizes there’s more layers to him than she imagined, each one a delicious or frightening discovery.
~~that strikes me as wrong. I think it should be “there ARE more layers”
MS, however, gives the green squiggle. It is my contention, though, that there are in this instance refers to the plural layers, not to the singular she or him.
~~opinion?
Faster than a adverb, More powerful than an adjective, able to leap tall Verbosity in a single bound. It’s a program, it’s a check list, no…It’s GRAMMAR NAZI!!!
ZIIIIIIIIIIINNG!!!

ZIIIIIIIIIIINNG!!!

In a flash of over-hyped testosterone laden music complete with captioned onomatopoeia, GRAMMAR NAZI zings back a reply:

Always remember that MS Word is the reason that we now enjoy the abomination which is “reoccur,” when the proper term is “recur,” as in “recursive.”  Remember that, and never trust Word’s judgment over your own.

The proper usage here is that which you were initially prone to use.  The “are” refers to the plural “layers” – “there is more layers” is obviously wrong and fails the de-apostrophization test you can use to check for proper contraction use.

Once more GRAMMAR NAZI has saved the day. And while cleverly disguised as a techno-geek, he seeks to rid the world of faulty computer language use instruction and does daily battle with the ignorant masses who persist in using phrases such as ain’t got me none, irregardless, and the ever annoying green squiggle. Together with his faithful sidekick Dangling Participle, the duo seek to make the word world a more uniform and informed place.

Don’t have a Grammar Nazi in your Rolodex? Gee, sucks to be you. Try this instead. I already ordered mine.

Oh, and the next Grammar Idiot meeting is Thursday in St. Doofus’ Church basement at 7PM. Bring cookies.

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15 Comments

Filed under Inez, writing

15 responses to “GRAMMAR NAZI TO THE RESCUE

  1. Jodie

    I would love to have a grammar nazi, and that spandex is like a bonus!!

  2. Grammar Nazis and the like make me grouchy. Nobody would need a grammar nazi if they’d read the damned writing textbook we’re all assigned in 9th grade English when we have to start writing our own research papers. IT’S ALL FREAKING RIGHT THERE, dude.

    Sorry – I am surly this morning and grammar is always a topic that annoys me. Carry on with your spandex.

  3. inezkelley

    Em, someone needs to tell Microsoft the same thing. They are the ones who gave the green squiggle incorrectly…Just saying!

  4. Trisha

    I thought it was hysterical, Inez. We can’t all know everything about everything, that’s why we have experts in everything. It’s nice to have someone to turn to when we spaz out.

  5. Charlotte McClain

    All hail the Grammar Nazi! I love singing the “I Was Right” song to Word. It makes me warm and tingly.

  6. Jen

    I’m totally going to check out the link. And I brought Double Stuff Oreos. Okay?

  7. I will be at that meeting.

  8. Trisha

    Jen – Double Stuffs are ALWAYS appropriate.

  9. I suppose I had the benefit, early on, of the lit prof who told me to UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ever use MS Word for grammar or spell checks. 😉

  10. Then we will not talk about the word…PASS… *runs*

  11. kate willoughby

    I turned off MS’s squiggle thingy. It annoyed me and I have a good enough grasp of English mechanics that I didn’t need it. If you get a good CP, you don’t need MS. 🙂

  12. Grammar Nazi's Wife

    He is cute in spandex. Though it chafes.

  13. Grammar Nazi

    Heh, heh. Grammar Nazi here. I am pleased to have been of some small assistance, good citizen. The banal annoyance that is the default setting of Microsoft Word’s Spelling and Grammar Checker too often goes unchallenged. Always remember – English usage rules are complex enough to make it difficult for anything but the most complicated program to get them right one hundred percent of the time. It’s a cinch that Microsoft didn’t cram such a system into its spellchecker.

    And now, I must go. The people of the world need me – The Re-knitter of Infinitives, The Relaxer of Tenses, The Bleacher of Purple Prose…I am known by many names, but my work is never done. Work? Nay, it is a most holy calling – an avocation. Scoff if you must, but please do so in complete sentences, lest you face the wrath of my terrible swift Red Pencil!

    /exit stage left, pursued by his rallying cry: “Hiho Semicolon – awaaaay!”

  14. Carol

    I hate the green squiggles too. Half the time they’re telling me something I know is wrong. Sounds like I need the grammar nazi.

  15. Carol, you don’t need the Grammar Nazi (not that I’d want to take attention away from the dear orbicular superhero who may still recover my long lost worldbuilding file). You just need a grammar book. Or website. Like so: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/

    Oh, why do I bother? Nevermind. I guess if everybody actually used their resources, I wouldn’t have had a good-paying tutoring job to get me through college.

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